an expanse of whiteness

2017 is not "the" year I will conquer the clutter, overcome a perennial struggle, or achieve any great heights of financial freedom or self-expression. 

It will be a year, as every other year, of steady and slow progress, punctuated with beginnings and endings.

Renee Tougas

the above quote speaks volumes to me right now.

in my pledge to keep abreast of things, while not indulging too deeply in the maelstrom, i've begun receiving a daily recap (sweary, just so you know) of the news the political abominations in my digital letterbox. i make myself read through it, despite the rising panic that accompanies doing so.

more often than not, i'm left feeling quite despairing about the whole thing.  i think that's important. nothing spells doom like apathy.

i get most panicked about the environmental stuff (which probably says something about me) and the proposed cutting of funding to the arts (also very character illuminating) but i think that's because i feel like those things have always played second-fiddle, have always been way down on the priority ladder, so are in most dire  need of attention.

i go quiet for long periods and B notices. he asks me what's wrong and i just shrug, teary-eyed and mumble something about the weight of the world. he isn't quite sure what to do with me in times like this, so he just hugs me and tells me it'll all be okay.

it's hard, though, in the bleakness of mid-winter to rally hope. particularly when the element in the oven just blew up (literally...just as i was preheating it) so i can't do the Sunday baking.

but i'll take the Emma-dog for a walk in the snow, top up the bird-feeders and fold the clean towels. i'll give star-boy random, squeezy hugs because he's pure love and he holds me here, rooted. i'll make a huge pot of soup that's full of good, healing things and will warm us up from the inside.

then i'll make tea and go work on my story. it's about a hedge and a young woman who just wants to be left alone, and it's all of the things i've never been able to say out loud.

hold fast, dear ones, it'll all be okay.

~m. xo